I am tired of winter. Never thought I’d ever hear myself say that one.

Winter, specifically this time of the year, has become my favorite over the past ten years or so. Since I started working in a farm-related business who has their busiest season in the fall, just like our family farm. Then we get into multiple birthdays around Christmas and New Years, the holidays themselves, and it all translates into stress. The farm has year-end book-keeping to do, and tax stuff has to be compiled and given to the preparer in January, early February, because farmers don’t have until April 15th to file taxes. Ours are due March 1.

I generally hold my breath until after mid-February and let out a big sigh when the bookwork is done, the holidays are done, the birthdays are done, and there are no outside tasks with a yard or garden – except to make sure the bird feeders are full and occasionally the sidewalk and porch gets a swipe with the shovel or broom. It becomes my down time. My time to curl in front of the fireplace and settle in with some intense World of Warcraft playing or messing around with some Facebook games. It is notoriously a time to cook up a pot of vegetable stew or chicken and noodles and get a pan of brownies in the oven and some bread baking in the machine. The smells and homey warmth of winter.

This winter my patterns have been shifted and I am unsteady and unsettled. I am not sleeping well. I am dreaming like the moon is full… and the moon hasn’t been full for quite some time. I am making a super-human attempt to be good about my diabetes and as such have adjusted my diet to be ‘healthy’… so the heavy starches and sugars and general yumminess of the typical winter fare has been given up. The snow has been oppressive. In winters past I looked forward to huge storms and not needing to go anywhere. I could sit at home by the fireplace, cozy in the knowledge that all the kids lived where they could get where they needed to be and if I really, really had to go somewhere that Hubs’ and the snowplow truck would be able to get me there.

This winter I worry about my mother, forty miles away and yet it seems like a million… the snow and ice prohibiting trips through the countryside where the winds are blowing the almost every few days snowstorms into drifts and black-ice patches that I am not equipped to handle. She’s doing fine… neighbor kids are walking the dog and scooping the walk and she’s still able to make short trips for groceries and to get to the senior center for some socialization. I worry about my daughters. One of who has to go into school and work and the other who has to not only get herself to work, but her son to and from school in another town. She wants to keep things as constant for him as she can, so she’s been driving him daily… and putting up with her ex-husband’s phobias about not being able to drive him to school now after he has had three car accidents this winter. So she has extra driving to go get her son from her ex’s when he spends the night there, several nights a week, then drive him to school and reverse the process after work.

The shop where my Hubs’ works on his equipment which is located at his mom’s had enough of the winter snows too. The roof caved in. In early December the roof started sagging so badly that Hubs wasn’t even able to open the large doors to get in and out and they were propping up what they could as best they could. Insurance covered it, but it just recently was repaired and it was a couple of months that the shop couldn’t be used. Not a good situation. Every day they predicted snow or ice the question was raised if this was going to be the final straw that was going to bring the roof down all-together.

The eastern coast has been hit with 3 foot snows… and the west coast has been hit with major rains causing mudslides. Here in the midwest we have had ice storms, snow, high winds causing white-outs and blizzard conditions. Power lines have come down making for outages – in some cases, for days. We’ve been lucky so far. When our power went out it was only for a day and we have a generator that ran the essentials. I feel for those who lost power and didn’t have such amenities. Right now we have about 18″ on the ground and just had a 10″ snow come through on Monday. The snow piles on the side of the gravel road are three times the height of my car… and we have another 5″ storm expected this weekend. The latest long-term forecast I heard said we are in a pattern that is going to continue for a few more weeks. A few more weeks.

I’m done. I give. If that’s what Old Man Winter was waiting for? He won.

Those Days

Do you ever have one of Those Days. You know. The kind where you wake up and think it is going to be a good day, only to arrive at work to find out that while you were sleeping the world turned and things happened you have no control over, but that somehow you are supposed to be the one to fix it? I thought I had an issue at work that was resolved. A technical issue. Then I got to work and found out that instead of the problem being fixed, it was made much, much worse. Craptastic, I tell ya.

Then I go to get a pop from the machine. I am not a coffee person (love the smell, hate the taste) so this is my morning caffiene. I put in the money… and the damn button lights up to rudely inform me that particular item is OUT. Water just isn’t cutting it.

I decided after days of soul-searching that I need to let one of my cats go away to a new home. It’s been hard. Very, very, very hard. I try not to show how hard it is to my family as they have had other losses as well and I don’t want it to seem like my pain is any worse than theirs. It isn’t, I know, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It is our newest kitty, Cleo. She was the stray that we saved when she was eating bird seed off the porch and was skin and bones but loads of personality. She’s still a sweetheart, and that’s what makes it so fucking hard to say goodbye. Several months ago we noticed ‘someone’ was pee-ing and spraying around the house. Not good. Since we have five cats, it was hard to catch someone in the act. When we finally did, it was Cleo. We took her to be checked for any bladder infections, etc., and she came out with a clean bill of health. She was put on anti-psychotic medicine and we’d thought that was helping for awhile. Guess not. The problem has cropped up again. From all I’ve read and researched, it is an issue that should be taken care of by her being an only child. I put a flyer up at the vet clinic hoping we could get her adopted out quickly, but no one has called. I decided to take her to the animal shelter. We have a local shelter that has a no-kill policy (I couldn’t take her to anywhere that wasn’t.) I call ahead, as daughter has kindly offered to take her over as I’m working… and would be a blubbering mess if I had to do it. Now they tell me they don’t know if they can take her – the person who answered said she’d have to talk to their director and call me back. Damnit. Just when I make the decision and get myself all psyched up… and, yes, say a tearful goodbye before leave the house this morning, now we are in ‘wait and see’ mode.

I’m sure this all seems so trivial in the big picture. I keep reading about all the pain and heartache floating around the internets… and so many people are hurting and suffering, even in my own home. I just sometimes feel the need to scream… ENOUGH.

So, you with me people? …. Deep breath… “ENOUGH!!!”

Feel better? I do.

Having Fun Yet?

Sorry I’ve been missing. Partly it has been an issue with the evil forces of the internet. You know… those stupid virus-maleware types again. Thanks again to Brad for fixing me. Sheesh. I wish that would just stop. It really gets annoying. Hope none of you got infected. It upsets me on so many levels. Mainly because I’m afraid it will scare off all two of you who are still reading this.

The other reason for my lack of posts is the season. We are full-swing into harvest now. Among other things my sleep patterns are all messed up. Yesterday morning I was wide awake at 3 a.m. Then I worked until 7 p.m. only to turn around and be wide awake again this morning at 4 a.m. I mean, c’mon! We are so busy and then my brain just seems to not want to shut off. Glad this is only a seasonal thing. If it lasted year-round I’m sure I would have a melt-down. I feel sorry for those people who have these kinds of long and stressful days every day. I couldn’t do it.

Last, I just once more want to mention that no matter how much I rant and rave around the internets… my heart knows just how lucky I really am. I have seen so much loss, hurt, sorrow, pain… there are people hurting all over the blogosphere and in my real life and I feel for them. I suppose I should just shut up and quit whining, but then what would I blog about? KIDDING. (Sort of.)

To those of you who are hurting or have loved ones who are hurting… you know who you are. You know that I care. To those of you who have things going pretty good right now? Take a minute to acknowledge that… be it to your God, the Universe, or just to yourself.

He Could Break a Stainless Steel Ball with a Glass Hammer*

Yesterday was not a good day in my husbands' world. As most of you know we farm. The weather has been very uncooperative this fall getting the harvest done and yesterday was one of the few nice days they've had to work on it. This week and for a couple more, my brother-in-law has taken vacation to come out and help.

He managed… how, we have yet to figure out… to drive off the edge of a drive-over auger with a fully loaded semi-truck and somehow he tore a drive-tire and ripped off part of a fender. The kicker? He's a professional semi-truck driver.

We're looking at $500 tires, who-knows-how-much for the fender repair, plus the time and labor put into the repairs. It took hours yesterday just to get the tire off and a temporary replacement put on – just to get the truck unloaded! Today it is raining, so they'll hopefully have time to get the tired replaced the right way, but the fender has been patched back together and it will probably be a much lengthier process to get it fixed when harvest is over.

Part of it is that my hubs is very particular about his vehicles. He is one of the rare farmers who wants his equipment clean and looking good and he takes a lot of pride in being noticed for having nice equipment when he pulls into the grain elevator. So this has him really bothered. Not just for the expense (which, BIL may find missing from his final paycheck) but the esthetics of it all. Plus, they really did not have the time to be messing with that yesterday when conditions were right for harvesting.

Oh, and then the last thing Hubs found out about last night? The combine has been running for two days without a fuel cap. Who was the last person to fuel it up? Guess.

*This is a line my father-in-law used to use when talking about his youngest boy, said brother-in-law.


So, I realize I'm rather cranky these days. This cold is getting the best of me. I get the tickly-scratchy coughing spells that end up with me gagging, eyes watering, nose running. Well, let's just say I never knew a head could hold so much snot. I mean, seriously. You blow and blow and blow… and there is still more? WTF?

This is the time of year I'm working a lot. I'm supposed to be at the top of my game. It's the superbowl of my business. I'd be lucky to be picked for a farm team. Ugh.

In spite of it all, I realize how lucky I am. I see so many people in the blog world and the real world who are having such a hard time right now. Emotionally, romatically, financially, physically. I am so very very lucky. This is not being said to rub it in… I just need the universe to know I realize it.

No Brainer

A woman has been caught embezzling money from her company. A life insurance company. Ironically, my parents' life insurance company. Almost 6 million dollars. Now it comes out that she spent a great deal of it on political campaigns and candidate issues.

One of the politicians she gave money to was recently notified and they immediately turned over their ill-gotten gains to charity.


Maybe I'm missing something here, but when you know where the money came from, why didn't they give it back to the people she stole it from? I mean, it is THEIR money, right?

I’d Like to Lodge a Complaint

Surprised? Yeah, me neither.

I'm sick of this fall. This is the stupidest damn fall we've had in years. I mean, really…  First we had to put up with a wet, cool spring that made it hard to get the crops in and growing. Then we had a colder-than-normal-ever summer (global warming, my ass!) that kept things just barely going. Now we have a fall where it is cool to cold and every couple of days it spits just enough rain or snow to keep the harvest from proceeding and the crops from drying down.

I mean, really? C'mon…


Frustration is the word of the day. It has been "one of those days" …and it isn't even half over yet! It started yesterday when I began having 'twinges' that I might be getting a bladder infection. (Sorry, maybe TMI). My day went downhill when a water main at work had to be fixed and they shut off the water to our office. Our office is in the middle of the country. I work with a bunch of men. Need I say more?

The water was to be fixed today. I began my morning being told it was fixed and proceeded to chug cranberry juice and water… only to be notified about 10 minutes later that there was a problem and, no, it wasn't really fixed. Arrggghhh.

Unfortunately, even though we're in the country, we are still on a busy highway and there is a lot of truck traffic in and around my workplace….and no vegitation, otherwise I might be tempted to "go natural". You know, like camping. Damn. Sometimes it sucks to be female.