Karma is a Bitch

Oh, wait… did I say her name was Karma? Kidding. That's not her name, but for now we'll just call her the Bitch. It works.

Over the years I've done this blog, her name has come up from time to time. This would be my sister-in-law. One of them. The one who is married to my husband's brother. Oh, wait… that would be was married to my husband's brother.

Yes, it is true. They've divorced. In the months I've been barely blogging, things have gone downhill in the perfect family department. They were the perfect family. Ask them, they'd tell you. They had “The Boys” (who were also perfect) and they were the most wonderful parents on the face of the planet. Then something bad happened.

I've always said you can't possibly know and understand all that happens in a relationship unless you are one of the two people in it. You'll be spoon fed whatever version of events the person telling you wants you to hear, and it is rarely showing them in a bad light. However, after years of being exposed to these people I can confidently say… it was her fault. This woman has been TB (the bitch) for years. Yes, my brother-in-law is the kind of man who appears to need a strong woman – one who will tell him what to do, where to go, how to think, etc. However, she took this to a new level.

I'm not sure when it all started to slide away, but there were signs. She'd worked at a company for years – ever since high school – and was only a few years away from retirement when she decided that she wasn't being treated the way she should be and ended up quitting her job. I'm sure she thought the said company was going to come to a screeching halt when she did, but guess what? It went on just fine without her. They did not come begging for her to come back. This bruised her ego in many ways, I'm sure. She was always a woman who had rather grandious ideas of herself anyway. She would tell us she was a “buyer” for this company – a pretty prestigious position. Then we would find out from other sources inside the company that there was no way she was a buyer.

She was the kind of woman who gossiped about everyone in town and claimed she not only knew everyone in town but knew them well and were good friends… then you'd talk to the supposed friends and bring up her name and they'd get that look on their faces. You know the look. The one where someone has just been given a mouthful of shit and told it is yummy. Yeah. She was known to them, but friends? Good friends? Only in her own mind.

So now she had another job… one that didn't last long because (her explaination) they put her in a corner and she didn't have any contact with other people. Huh. Could it be because she is such a troublemaker that doesn't really get along with others that they were trying to isolate the problem? Maybe not… maybe she just really did feel out of her comfort zone. So then she got a different job. A job at a bank. This is a woman who would tell the CIA's secrets to anyone who asked, I certainly didn't want her working in my bank! The fact she was working in my mother-in-law's bank made me more than a little uncomfortable, but it wasn't my place to speak. Next time I heard she'd changed jobs ( a few months later) she was working for a company who did brand placement in grocery stores, etc. She did some traveling, but not out of state and never overnight. So why did she start staying out overnight?

Curiouser and curiouser.

At Thanksgiving last year we'd started hearing rumblings there were problems in the marriage. Still, they showed up at MIL's with smiles and family group photos and a sweetness and light. My BIL had already told my husband he was going to be leaving but his wife wasn't supposed to know that we knew. Not only did we know, but MIL knew, my other sis-in-law knew (my hubs' sister) and most of the family knew. I guess The Bitch's parents didn't know yet so that was why they were being all hush-hush about it.

Finally, he moved out to an apartment and the craziness began…. well, no, I take that back. It got worse. Now he wasn't living there but he was still supposed to be taking care of his wife and the house and helping with her parents and everything was supposed to stay the same except he wasn't living there.

One of the boys graduated from high school and that was a big dog and pony show – with BIL helping to fix up the house and having the reception there, with lots of people there who were all supposed to play dumb that they were seperated. So bizarre.

Papers were filed and it got all wonky. She wanted him paying lots of bucks for child support for the one boy still living at home. She insisted on keeping the house so the boy wouldn't have his life disrupted and in the next breath would threaten the child that if they had to move because of his dad, they would have to get rid of his dog. The kid in question is in his teens. What a bitch.

Court came and went and it was determined the boy would share custody time with BIL and TB… but BIL would be paying child support and would make payments toward the house, etc., until it was sold – which the court ordered would happen. The oldest boy said he was moving out (he'd gotten a good paying job and could now support himself) and TB put her foot down and said no, he couldn't move out. What? He was 19. He could do whatever the hell he wanted to do! The day after they went to court, BIL went to the house when the younger boy called and told him his mom had changed all the locks and taken the garage door openers… and didn't even bother to tell her kids or give them keys and left them to fend for themselves for hours until she got home.

She became mean and nasty and vindictive. More so than usual.

It came out that she'd been sleeping around with someone she'd known in high school. She had even taken him to pick up the younger boy from his soccer games… and this was all before they were even seperated! He lived in another town and it came to light that an accident she had last winter when she totalled their van had been when she'd been on a trip to see this guy… instead of a co-worker as she'd claimed at the time. Recently it has come out that this guy has a sister who owns a bar in this town and she's been going there and working at the bar on weekends when she doesn't have the boy with her. Funny enough – even days when she does has the boy she still has occasions where she 'disappears' and will call him up and tell him to “go stay with a friend overnight” because she won't be home that night. Good kid that he is, he usually calls up his dad and goes there.

She has a hissy fit if BIL has the boy more than he should, yet has isolated both boys to the point they hate her guts and don't want to have anything to do with her. BIL has recently instigated full custody action against her for the younger boy after an altercation that left the boy slapped by his mother and the mother pinned up against the frig by the boy. Not a good situation. The boy also tried to run away one night and moved himself in with his dad – without his dad realizing what was happening. However, the dad was smart enough to first call the cops and explain what was going on and that he hadn't kidnapped his son, then to get his son to realize he could go to jail for contempt of court unless he stayed with his mom until they could get all this settled. Oldest boy moved out a week or so ago but is planning on moving into a house with his dad in a few weeks when the house is ready. Both boys get along great with their dad and call him at least once if not more a day just to talk.

In a fitting round of karma… she recently got fired from her job for a.) missing too much work – skipping work to go to the boyfriend's bar, I've heard b.) not being able to learn a new computer system at work in a timely fashion – hard to do if you aren't there, huh and c.) making trouble at work – gee. 'nuff said on that one.

Not a week later, she got rear-ended by a car that pushed her into another car and smooshed her vehicle all to hell.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean… with all the years of being a bitch, The Bitch, she surely has enough saved up to keep this going downhill for awhile longer.

I know I should feel badly for this woman. I feel sorry for a marriage gone bad after 25 years. I feel sorry for the kids who are being treated like a commodity by their mother and who have resorted to hate to get through the day. I don't like to see anyone struggling to make relationships a battleground instead of making them work well for everyone's advantage. Still? As horrid as she's been all these years I can't help but think… who better deserves this? She had it coming. Karma…yeah, she's a bitch.

Learning Curve

Mom called me last night and said she was almost afraid to answer the phone. She said a man called her earlier in the evening, irate, and demanded to know who he was speaking to. She gave her sirname, then he said that a man from her number (home, landline) had been calling his cell phone over and over and he was sick of it. He insisted this was the number. I said, "Mom, you didn't say there was no man there, did you?"… she responded, "No, but I told him there had been no man here this week."  Doh.

He proceeded to tell her if anyone called her from that number again he would be calling back.

Well, I did what any good daughter would do. I called the police. I mean, the obit was in the paper. The phone number is in the book (along with her address, of course). They are going to make extra trips through her neighborhood and she's to call them back immediately if he calls again. No, she doesn't have caller ID (like Hubs said, it would probably be blocked anyway). I did suggest to her that if he was legitimate he would be willing to give her his number and to ask him for it politely. Tell him you are going to check with the phone company to see if there is a wiring problem or something, but to never, ever, ever, let a stranger know you are there alone.

She's an easy target. She's elderly, rather weak, and she goes out with her dog at all hours of the night and day. Anyone watching her would find her easy prey, I'm afraid.

I swear… you just get your kids grown and think you've got them to where they can take care of themselves, then you get to start all over again… with your parents.

Drama

Several months ago when my daughters and I decided we would make our own private group on World of Warcraft (called a guild) no one dreamed the drama we would encounter. I ended up being the guild manager (the GM)… only in our guild I'm called the Guild Mother. Plenty of days I feel just like that. The mom. After a few bad experiences with kids (12, 13 yr olds) in the guild, we decided to make it adults only. That has worked out pretty well. Except when the adults don't act like adults.

We've had some personality clashes which have ended up in hurt feelings and people leaving the guild. That was upsetting because we try and stress that unlike some guilds which are very goal-oriented and make work out of it, we want it to be what it is. A Game. We also don't devote 24/7 to it as some people do. Our motto is, "We have a LIFE". We try to maintain perspective.

Sometimes you just can't seem to avoid the drama no matter what you do. Case in point: We have a young married couple who joined soon after we formed the guild. They are both very out-going and were very chatty… basically telling us everything about themselves, how they met (on the i-net), their family (4 boys under the age of 4), and even went so far as to post pictures of the whole family on our guild website. At various times they've popped in with news of a new job… then another new job… then, oh, wait… her hubby got a new job now so she's staying home with the kids. All in the space of a month? That's a lot of job-hopping. They both seemed very open about themselves… volunteering way more info than was necessary much of the time.

A couple of days ago she was online and was talking all about wanting to be pregnant again. She wanted a girl and wouldn't mind trying a few times to get one. A few times? She's already got four boys, under four, and two of them have some medical issues. I am pretty sure they aren't rich as according to her the husband is a disabled vet and the jobs she keeps getting that she thinks are soooo great are at a 1.) truck stop 2.) convenience store and 3.) serving at Cracker Barrell (where they went for their wedding reception dinner – hoo boy). Don't get me wrong. I admire people who do those jobs because someone has to do it and it is a good, honest job. I'm just saying, they are not the types of jobs that will support  how many children? Which brings me to the big question of the day. My daughter asked her how many children she and her husband wanted to have. The answer?

12.

You heard me.

After we finished picking our jaws up off the floor, we listened to her talk about them both wanting to have a big family, all the love, yadda yadda yadda. Keep in mind, this conversation just took place about three days ago.

The kicker?

Yesterday she told me they were getting a divorce.

WTF?

She "just can't handle it any longer". She's "lonely". (Is because her husband has finally gone out and gotten a job?) She thinks they've grown apart. Um… okay. I didn't ask about the 12 kids. She said her husband thinks the kids should stay with her (of course he does…) and he's going to move out. Her sister is moving in to help her until she gets (another) job and gets on her feet. Oh. My.

Later I was talking to some of the other guild members and it came out that she has been secretly talking to several of the men from the beginning! She's been saying she's lonely and don't they think she's pretty and why don't they come see her in her hometown. YIKES. The ones I've spoken with so far are married and made no secret of that and she still went after them! I'm really stunned. First her and her hubs come on all mushy and stuff… and now I find out she's been doing all this shit on the down low? I mean, good grief.

I can hardly wait to see what happens next…