Luck and Guilt and All That Stuff

I realize I whine a lot. Not a little, a lot. I’m much better than I used to be. I tried a few years ago to adopt the attitude that while I’m not “Suzy Sunshine”, I can still try to look at the positive side of things. I do think there is something to drawing negative energy to you if you are negative.

That being said, I feel so badly for a friend of mine whose mother has been going ’round and ’round with the Big C. When I was a kid, people didn’t even say the word ‘cancer‘ unless it was in very hushed voices. I got the impression if it heard them it would attack them. Some people still can’t say it without hesitating. We’ve gotten so that we are pretty good about checking ourselves and having the doctors check us and early detection has helped increase our chances of surviving. Also, they have come up with new ways of killing it… or at least they try.

Personally, I think one of the more hideous aspects of cancer is the way it deceives. One moment you are ill, the next you are in remission and may stay that way for years… then, bam! It is back and usually worse than ever. Or, it may never come back again. Sometimes, there is no remission. A woman in my local area found out she had cancer and in three weeks she was gone.

My friend got married a little over a year ago. About six months before his wedding, they’d diagnosed his mother with cancer in her spine and said she’d probably not make it to the wedding. Well, she did, but she was in pretty tough shape at the time. Then shortly after the wedding, she went into remission. It was amazing! She got her strenth back, her hair back, and her life back…. for awhile. A month ago she was having headaches and went to the doctor. There was a tumor on her brain. Three days ago they did a spinal and found cancer cells have spread everywhere. Today they are sending her home to die.

I feel so sorry for him. I’m glad that she had more time with her family and was able to see him get married and another grandchild be born (his sister’s). I’m glad they’ve had more time to get used to the probabilities of death. I’m sorry that he had to ride this rollercoaster.

When I start whining about my backaches or my headaches or my various grumblings on why things are perfect in my life, I hope someone slaps me up side the head and reminds me how lucky I truly am. I am. I know it.