Holy Mother of God

Sorry. I couldn’t help it. The devil made me do it. If you are offended at adult subject matter, you may want to move along. Come back tomorrow when our regularily scheduled program is back.

Why, do you ask am I swearing under my breath – and out loud – and possibly louder than this house has been rated? It’s my SIL’s fault. (No, it really isn’t. I just wanted to see if he was listening… )

A year ago we decided we’d be responsible homeowners and learn to change the batteries in our smoke detectors. You must understand, we may be a bit paranoid, but we have a lot of smoke detectors. (Remember, my parents’ house burned to the ground – and that was after we built this house!) We have seven, to be exact. Seven smoke detectors that are hardwired into the house electric and have battery backups.

A year ago my lovely (and very tall) SIL (the newest one) got put to work replacing batteries in smoke detectors. He’s a sweetheart and would never argue with his MIL (me) so when he is asked to put that extra height to work, he naturally volunteers. At some point along the way we discovered that either not all the ‘new’ batteries were as ‘new’ as they should have been, or, now that I’ve read the instructions for the 15th time, maybe they weren’t exactly the ones they wanted us to put in them.

For some reason, not all of them have a battery back up, either. I’ve not figured that out. I was just sure they were all supposed to have a battery back up, but if SIL can’t find it and he’s an engineer, by God, they must not have a battery. I trust him. He wouldn’t lie to me.

About a month ago, in the middle of the night, I swear the smoke detector alarm went off. Once. Just once it sounded it’s blaring electronic ‘wake the fuck up’ sound. I sat straight up in bed (because, of course, there is one of these detectors not more than ten feet from my head on the ceiling of my bedroom!). I looked over at Hubby, and he hadn’t moved a muscle. He was still snoring, the pups weren’t barking, the house was quiet. I must be going crazy! I decided I must have been dreaming.

Until Sunday morning…right about 3 a.m.

The fucking alarm went off again. Four beeps. Screaming, serious ‘didn’t you hear me say wake up?’ beeping. Silence. Then, it goes off again!!!!! OMG! I can’t believe this is happening! I race all over the house, making sure there really was no fire or smoke. The alarm beeps four time, goes silent, and never. beeps. again.

I’m thinking on Sunday, ‘ I really should try and check those smoke detectors‘. I even call SIL to see if he remembers which ones had batteries since I’d have to hike my butt up higher than my butt is supposed to be off the ground to change them. Unfortunately, he didn’t remember. I forget about it. Bad move. Yep,you know it…

This morning. 3:30 a.m. … BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP! … this is not the little chirping cricket that tells you the battery is going dead. This is the “YOU IGNORED ME THE FIRST TWO TIMES, BITCH, NOW YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!” Oh, God in heaven…! This time, we listened to it repeat six times. I thought about throwing the circut breaker, just to shut it up… but then we realized we’d have to listen to the cricket the rest of the night.

It stops. I lay back down. Fifteen minutes later… BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!…. FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK! Hubby looks at me and says, “I could sleep through the beeping, but every time you launch out of bed you scare the shit out of me!”

I climbed up my ladder tonight after work. I think I found the one old battery. I replace it. I guess we’ll find out, oh… about 4 a.m. tomorrow morning…

I’ve Been Tagged!

I’ve been tagged by Lisa. I did this meme not tooooo awfully long ago, but I’m going to try out some different answers this time:

TEN YEARS AGO…I was pulling myself out of a hole of despair. Some people call it a nervous breakdown, some people call it falling off the cliff into the abyss. I just know I lost most of a year of my life. However, as bad as it was, it was a turning point in my life and I’ve been much better since then.

FIVE YEARS AGO…I started as a part-timer at my current job with the only thought in my head being doing something fun to keep my computer skills up in case I ever had to go back to work full-time. Within 6 weeks the person I was working for quit and I was the only one doing what I do for the whole company. Welcome to overtime!

ONE YEAR AGO…We were just settling into our new house and still walking through it every day saying “we aren’t worthy”…

YESTERDAY…I marveled at the fact that I had met so many new people in blogland and they were even commenting! I relished the time I got to read my daughter’s blog and get a little insight into her life and know I was getting that warm fuzzy feeling I get when I talk to her in person.

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO…Do you have to know the RIGHT words? I know most words to all the major Christmas songs – or I make them up.

5 SNACKS …black olives, green seedless grapes, m&m’s, cashews, string cheese

5 THINGS I’D DO WITH $100 MILLION…pay off all our debts. help our kids get houses. start my own (or sponsor) a no-kill animal shelter. invest. build a greenhouse.

5 PLACES I’D RUN AWAY TO…home. home. home.home. home. Did I mention I like it at home?

5 THINGS I’D NEVER WEAR…high heels. mini-skirts. see-through shirts. daisy dukes. spandex.

5 BOOKS/TV SHOWS I LOVE… The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. The X-files. All the CSI’s. Medium. Several that have been cancelled.

GREATEST JOYS…my kids, critters, husband, home, and time off to enjoy it all. (Not necessarily in that order)

I’m not going to pass this on to anyone, as I did that pretty recently and don’t want to bug anyone. Feel free to use it and let us know your answers if you volunteer, but I’m not going to push… Thanks, Lisa, for making me think a little harder again.

HEY TECHNICAL PEOPLE

Yes, I’m shouting. Can anyone tell me why my posts are now going over their allotted space and getting hidden behind the links over there —->??? I’m really confused. (I heard that. I get confused often. I’m old. I’m allowed. I’m going to get waaaay more confused before I get out of here, trust me!)

Update: Now I go back into the blog and it’s fine. WTF? My head hurts. Nevermind.

Your Other Twin

Hubby and I went to dinner last night at a popular local restaurant. We got into a discussion about the waitress… both of us thought she looked like some actress and couldn’t figure out who… he kept saying “the one who got arrested”… and I’m thinking, yeah, I know who that is, but I can’t think of her name, but I don’t really think she looks like that. By the end of dinner we figured it out. He came up with “Ryder” and I came up with “Wynona”. However, I still didn’t think that was who she looked like.

Okay, now, the funny thing is, he was talking about the waitress in the red shirt – who I barely looked at, and I was talking about the one in the blue. I was concentrating on her – she looked more like Lauren Graham from “Gilmore Girls”. The one in red walks up.

Hubby: See? Doesn’t she?
Me: Um…oh, yes, yes she does! I was looking at the other waitress!

Waitress looks at us quizzically.

Hubby: Have you ever been told you look like Wynona Ryder?
Waitress: Yes, I get that all the time…especially from my family
Hubby: Just so you know, I meant it in a good way…
Waitress:…

How else was she supposed to take it? That we thought she was a shoplifter? Gotta love him.