Tales from the Fair I

Dear State Fair Attendee,

My family sat across the sidewalk from you as you stood in line at the beef tent to get a meal of delicious Iowa beef prepared by the Beef Producers. I’m sure if the rest of my family had been paying as close attention to you as I was, they would have promptly spit their sandwiches onto the sidewalk between us. As it were, I was not eating. God looks out for us in strange ways.

Although you are a fairly attractive middle-aged woman, I in no way find it appealing to watch as that old man sprayed sunscreen / ointment / whatever on your sunburned chest and neck, then proceeded to rub it in with such tenderness and, dare I say, erotic? motions. Your shirt was low cut and he was very thorough… and the look on your face was pure bliss. To the point where I thought one or both of you were going to have an orgasm right in front of me. I take that back. You may have had one. Both of you.

First, I felt a little odd at this open display of affection. It was a bit much, but it is the fair. Then, he turned around and saw how much older he was than you and decided maybe you were trying hard to turn on your elderly hubs. What an *ick* loving wife.

Finally, to my horror, I realized that he wasn’t. Even. Yours. He was with an older woman standing behind you. They were both standing behind you. They were the couple. You? You were there alone. Ewwww. Ewwww. Ewwww.

I briefly examined the thought that you were his daughter… but that didn’t set well with me either, after seeing the look on your face and the way he was touching you. I think I’m just going to go with him being a stranger. At least that will let me sleep at night.

Is it any wonder the rest of the time I was watching, what I assume was now his wife, never said two words to him? I wish she’d have hauled off and smacked him. He deserved it. You both did.