Karma is a Bitch

Oh, wait… did I say her name was Karma? Kidding. That's not her name, but for now we'll just call her the Bitch. It works.

Over the years I've done this blog, her name has come up from time to time. This would be my sister-in-law. One of them. The one who is married to my husband's brother. Oh, wait… that would be was married to my husband's brother.

Yes, it is true. They've divorced. In the months I've been barely blogging, things have gone downhill in the perfect family department. They were the perfect family. Ask them, they'd tell you. They had “The Boys” (who were also perfect) and they were the most wonderful parents on the face of the planet. Then something bad happened.

I've always said you can't possibly know and understand all that happens in a relationship unless you are one of the two people in it. You'll be spoon fed whatever version of events the person telling you wants you to hear, and it is rarely showing them in a bad light. However, after years of being exposed to these people I can confidently say… it was her fault. This woman has been TB (the bitch) for years. Yes, my brother-in-law is the kind of man who appears to need a strong woman – one who will tell him what to do, where to go, how to think, etc. However, she took this to a new level.

I'm not sure when it all started to slide away, but there were signs. She'd worked at a company for years – ever since high school – and was only a few years away from retirement when she decided that she wasn't being treated the way she should be and ended up quitting her job. I'm sure she thought the said company was going to come to a screeching halt when she did, but guess what? It went on just fine without her. They did not come begging for her to come back. This bruised her ego in many ways, I'm sure. She was always a woman who had rather grandious ideas of herself anyway. She would tell us she was a “buyer” for this company – a pretty prestigious position. Then we would find out from other sources inside the company that there was no way she was a buyer.

She was the kind of woman who gossiped about everyone in town and claimed she not only knew everyone in town but knew them well and were good friends… then you'd talk to the supposed friends and bring up her name and they'd get that look on their faces. You know the look. The one where someone has just been given a mouthful of shit and told it is yummy. Yeah. She was known to them, but friends? Good friends? Only in her own mind.

So now she had another job… one that didn't last long because (her explaination) they put her in a corner and she didn't have any contact with other people. Huh. Could it be because she is such a troublemaker that doesn't really get along with others that they were trying to isolate the problem? Maybe not… maybe she just really did feel out of her comfort zone. So then she got a different job. A job at a bank. This is a woman who would tell the CIA's secrets to anyone who asked, I certainly didn't want her working in my bank! The fact she was working in my mother-in-law's bank made me more than a little uncomfortable, but it wasn't my place to speak. Next time I heard she'd changed jobs ( a few months later) she was working for a company who did brand placement in grocery stores, etc. She did some traveling, but not out of state and never overnight. So why did she start staying out overnight?

Curiouser and curiouser.

At Thanksgiving last year we'd started hearing rumblings there were problems in the marriage. Still, they showed up at MIL's with smiles and family group photos and a sweetness and light. My BIL had already told my husband he was going to be leaving but his wife wasn't supposed to know that we knew. Not only did we know, but MIL knew, my other sis-in-law knew (my hubs' sister) and most of the family knew. I guess The Bitch's parents didn't know yet so that was why they were being all hush-hush about it.

Finally, he moved out to an apartment and the craziness began…. well, no, I take that back. It got worse. Now he wasn't living there but he was still supposed to be taking care of his wife and the house and helping with her parents and everything was supposed to stay the same except he wasn't living there.

One of the boys graduated from high school and that was a big dog and pony show – with BIL helping to fix up the house and having the reception there, with lots of people there who were all supposed to play dumb that they were seperated. So bizarre.

Papers were filed and it got all wonky. She wanted him paying lots of bucks for child support for the one boy still living at home. She insisted on keeping the house so the boy wouldn't have his life disrupted and in the next breath would threaten the child that if they had to move because of his dad, they would have to get rid of his dog. The kid in question is in his teens. What a bitch.

Court came and went and it was determined the boy would share custody time with BIL and TB… but BIL would be paying child support and would make payments toward the house, etc., until it was sold – which the court ordered would happen. The oldest boy said he was moving out (he'd gotten a good paying job and could now support himself) and TB put her foot down and said no, he couldn't move out. What? He was 19. He could do whatever the hell he wanted to do! The day after they went to court, BIL went to the house when the younger boy called and told him his mom had changed all the locks and taken the garage door openers… and didn't even bother to tell her kids or give them keys and left them to fend for themselves for hours until she got home.

She became mean and nasty and vindictive. More so than usual.

It came out that she'd been sleeping around with someone she'd known in high school. She had even taken him to pick up the younger boy from his soccer games… and this was all before they were even seperated! He lived in another town and it came to light that an accident she had last winter when she totalled their van had been when she'd been on a trip to see this guy… instead of a co-worker as she'd claimed at the time. Recently it has come out that this guy has a sister who owns a bar in this town and she's been going there and working at the bar on weekends when she doesn't have the boy with her. Funny enough – even days when she does has the boy she still has occasions where she 'disappears' and will call him up and tell him to “go stay with a friend overnight” because she won't be home that night. Good kid that he is, he usually calls up his dad and goes there.

She has a hissy fit if BIL has the boy more than he should, yet has isolated both boys to the point they hate her guts and don't want to have anything to do with her. BIL has recently instigated full custody action against her for the younger boy after an altercation that left the boy slapped by his mother and the mother pinned up against the frig by the boy. Not a good situation. The boy also tried to run away one night and moved himself in with his dad – without his dad realizing what was happening. However, the dad was smart enough to first call the cops and explain what was going on and that he hadn't kidnapped his son, then to get his son to realize he could go to jail for contempt of court unless he stayed with his mom until they could get all this settled. Oldest boy moved out a week or so ago but is planning on moving into a house with his dad in a few weeks when the house is ready. Both boys get along great with their dad and call him at least once if not more a day just to talk.

In a fitting round of karma… she recently got fired from her job for a.) missing too much work – skipping work to go to the boyfriend's bar, I've heard b.) not being able to learn a new computer system at work in a timely fashion – hard to do if you aren't there, huh and c.) making trouble at work – gee. 'nuff said on that one.

Not a week later, she got rear-ended by a car that pushed her into another car and smooshed her vehicle all to hell.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean… with all the years of being a bitch, The Bitch, she surely has enough saved up to keep this going downhill for awhile longer.

I know I should feel badly for this woman. I feel sorry for a marriage gone bad after 25 years. I feel sorry for the kids who are being treated like a commodity by their mother and who have resorted to hate to get through the day. I don't like to see anyone struggling to make relationships a battleground instead of making them work well for everyone's advantage. Still? As horrid as she's been all these years I can't help but think… who better deserves this? She had it coming. Karma…yeah, she's a bitch.


I've been pretty scarce around here to the point where I was wondering if I was ever going to come back here myself. The past few posts have been so depressing and gloomy that I wouldn't expect many people to come along and check out what I wrote the next few times because of the predictable taste of what is coming out of these pages.

I realized that we are almost to the end of August and it is my blogiversary. I started this way back in 2004 and I'm still, although barely, here. I have to make a decision. I either start doing this a little more regularily again, or I walk away. I hate to walk away… from anything.

So here I am, begging your forgiveness for being absent. Wanting to come back and purge the thoughts that stuff my head day in and day out. Hope you'll be along for the ride. If only to let me know that you, too, are still here.

Thank you to all who gave me condolences on the dogs. I know some people just think they are animals… but to those of us who have them and love them, they are family. Just the furry kind.

I'm back. See you soon.


Yesterday was a hard day. Seems there have been a few of those lately. Yesterday another beloved pet had to be put to sleep.

Cody came into our lives a little over 12 years ago. He was three at the time. It was my youngest daughter's 16th birthday and she'd been asking for a dog for ages. We went to the animal rescue league (the pound) and saw this schnoodle (schauzer-poodle) that was a bundle of energy. He was there because he'd kept digging out of his owner's fenced-in yard. We lived in the country with plenty of running room, so thought he would work out okay. After a couple of days, daughter thought he was a bit toooo energetic for her, but her 14-yr-old brother had fallen for him, so we kept him.

From then on, they were pretty inseperable. Our son and the dog were very like-spirited. Very active, and had "bad habits"… but we loved him. The first thing we learned was if he got off a cable or leash, he headed right for the busy road out front. That was cause for extreme anxiety more than once when we'd have to round up the kids and chase him down – and let me tell you, he was FAST. That dog could MOVE! He could zig and zag quick as a bunny rabbit and you had no chance of catching him. We finally figured out if we would make our german shepherd bark, then Cody would come up to find out what he was barking about – and that was the moment to grab him.

When our son got a bit lax in taking care of the dog, as children often do, I threatened to return him to the pound. (Trust me, it was only a threat). When son didn't seem to find that a possibility, I tricked him by boarding the dog overnight at the vet office… and, yes, telling him I'd returned the dog to the vet. Tears were shed and I was probably deemed the meanest mom on the planet  – you are probably thinking it even now – but when I "went to the pound and got him back the next day before he was sold to someone else"… there were more tears shed of happiness and the lesson was learned.

After a few years of not being able to trust Cody off of a cable, I finally was able to coax him into staying within sight of me and not running for the road – as long as I stayed outside with him and watched him. He became used to the farm and was able to be free to roam a bit without worry he'd go out on the road. If someone pulled into the drive and opened the car door with Cody there… watch out! You'd have a 12 pound bundle of energy in your car before you could say "wha?"…

As quickly as he would jump into a car, he hated to go anywhere. When we had to take him to the vet he'd yip and bark and whine the whole way… standing up on the seat and looking out the window trying to see where you were taking him. Interestingly enough, when you came home, he would sit quietly, just as he knew you were all done and home was waiting.

When we moved to our new house about five years ago, our son moved back into our old house. Because Cody had learned his limitations, we decided not to make him learn a new area and a new routine and we left him there. Our son was happy to have him back with him as well… not that he'd been out of the house all that long himself, but the few months he'd been living out on his own he'd missed that mutt. 

A couple of years ago, some health issues started popping up. He tore his ACL and spent several weeks healing up from that. Never really did get all his muscle tone back, but he managed to get along pretty good with a limp. Then a couple of months ago he started slowing down. About a month ago my daughter-in-law took him to the vet to be checked out and at that time they were considering some explority surgery to see what was going on with him, but with his age they didn't even know then if he'd survive the procedure. The decision was made not to do the surgery and just to make him comfortable and send him home. The diagnosis was cancer.

A couple of weeks ago Hubs and I drove over to pick up my daughter-in-law to take her to the races with us. The dogs were outside (they have another dog, too, a young huskie). Cody slowly, slowly, walked across the drive to the car. Hubs opened the car door and he slowly put his paws on the running board of the car. I went around and picked him up and carried him back to the house – he was light as a feather and his paws just shook with palsy. I could tell he wasn't going to last long.

Son was hoping he'd go in his sleep. On Thursday evening when he got home he said Cody just lay there… and when he gave him a treat, he just dropped it. He hadn't eaten since Monday, only had been drinking water. He was so weak, when he stood him up, he would crumple and fall to the floor. He put him on the sofa, wrapped him in a soft blanket and sat softly crying as he called his wife at work. He'd told us a long time before that he didn't think he'd be able to take him to the vet… he just couldn't do it. His wife is a nurse and a little more used to those "life and death" things. She called the vet, but they couldn't get him in until morning. Hubs and son were going to a race, so I went over and sat with Cody until his wife got home… for about 90 minutes he lay on the sofa, barely moving… I pet him and talked softly to him, telling him what a good dog he'd been, what a good friend. The husky was confused, I'm sure, but they say they know more than we give them credit for. Usually she is a pretty active dog as well, but this night she just climbed up on my other side and lay her head on my lap and let me rub her tummy.  When my daughter-in-law got home we talked about the morning and I told her I'd go to the vet with her. She said she would be surprised if he didn't pass during the night, but she'd let me know if we didn't have to go.

Morning came and I got a text "We still need to go". I was already on my way to pick them up.

Son was so upset he could barely speak. I hugged him and we took Cody and headed to the vet. When we arrived, his wife got a text… would we wait for son to come? Of course we would. A few minutes later son walked in … he'd been afraid he wouldn't get to say goodbye and decided as hard as it was for him, he needed to be there for Cody. It is so hard to watch your children suffer…no matter how old they are. Cody had been his companion for half his life. If he was home, Cody wasn't more than a foot away from him at any time. He never got over some of his bad habits, but he had a huge heart and he loved my son to pieces…and the love was returned. To lose Cody was a terrible sadness. He was an "old man" by doggie standards and had led a much better, fuller, more loved life than he ever would have had we not adopted him. This I know. He went peacefully… and is chasing bunnies with Benny, as bright and busy and crazy as he ever did. We'll miss you, psycho dog….