Frustration

Frustration is the word of the day. It has been "one of those days" …and it isn't even half over yet! It started yesterday when I began having 'twinges' that I might be getting a bladder infection. (Sorry, maybe TMI). My day went downhill when a water main at work had to be fixed and they shut off the water to our office. Our office is in the middle of the country. I work with a bunch of men. Need I say more?

The water was to be fixed today. I began my morning being told it was fixed and proceeded to chug cranberry juice and water… only to be notified about 10 minutes later that there was a problem and, no, it wasn't really fixed. Arrggghhh.

Unfortunately, even though we're in the country, we are still on a busy highway and there is a lot of truck traffic in and around my workplace….and no vegitation, otherwise I might be tempted to "go natural". You know, like camping. Damn. Sometimes it sucks to be female.

Dummy-Down

Today I was reading a post by Brad and it occurred to me that what he was talking about sounded a lot like what I accuse my hubs of doing… I call it "dumming-down". My hubs is a smart guy. He can even speak well, when he wants to. Many times I get frustrated listening to him talk to other people because he'll use poor grammar (ain't) and sound like the 'hick' that he's not. He claims it is his way of putting others at ease and many times they'll let their guard down and tell him things they wouldn't normally if they thought he was as or more intelligent than they are.

In recent years I've noticed my younger daughter and son doing the same thing. I realize these family members can talk to anyone about anything and perhaps that is why. Me? I usually am standing there feeling like the one who really doesn't know anything so I have a tendency to keep my mouth shut and only speak when spoken to. Not around my friends or family, but when I'm around other people  I don't know as well.

Is that the secret to having good social skills? Dummy-down? Maybe I need to learn this some day.

Vroom-Vroom

tshirt2009

I don't know if you can see what this is…. but it is my son's new racing t-shirt for the big Supernational races next week. He has a friend who goes by the nickname "Jake the Snake" and has a logo of a snake on his shirts, so of course we had to go with "Snyder the Spider". My son's friend hates snakes, and, yes, my son hates spiders. Go figure.

Tonight is the last regular season race at the track he's been at all summer. It is a different track than he's been at the past few years, but the race track promotor for that regular track has let things slide to where attendance is paltry and there are only about five or six cars in his class racing. That's not hardly enough to make it interesting. Of course, for me it would be fine as I'd like to see him just get out in front and stay there and not have anyone touch him all night – but that's a mom speaking. From a race fan perspective, the guys like to get into a few cars and have some competition. My son hasn't had any problems with that issue this year. The track he's been at normally has at least twenty-five cars a night and for whatever reason my son ends up in the middle to end of the pack every time. He then has to fight and scratch his way to the front. He's won very few races this year, but in the track points for his class he is in second place – only a few points from the leader. Not enough that even if he won the race tonight he'd win in points, but enough that if his number one competition were to, say, blow up a motor in the main feature race – then my son would win on points. I'm fairly confident he's going to still be in second place when the night is over no matter what happens, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. He is just consistant in his finishes and is always moving forward and passing other cars, gaining him those points.

Next week is the big all-week country-wide phenomena known as Supernationals. We're just lucky it is in a nearby town. People come from all over the country and as far away as Australia! They end up having over 30 heats of races and many nights the racing is over until 3 a.m. One night last year they had a rain delay and didn't even start until midnight!  Son and his wife are taking the RV over and they and their dog will camp out for the week as Hubs and myself come and go. It is night after night of racing to qualify for the big final race on Saturday night. If you qualify on the first night out then you are done racing until the big one. However, if you don't qualify then you try again the next night and the next, etc., until you get there. Some guys never do get in, so so far (knock on wood) my son has. Keeping fingers crossed for next week. Last year it took him all week to qualify!

I've been doing better this year about going to the races and not getting as stressed out. Part of my strategy is to not watch each and every race before my son races. That way I don't see every other crash, blow up, etc., and I don't get quite so worked up beforehand. I know he thinks I'm nuts, but when he's racing my mantra is "please let him be safe"… winning to me comes in second. He's a good racer and has excellent almost uncanny reflexes and can seem to sense when a problem is coming up right in front of him, but it still makes me crazy to watch.

As far as the new t-shirt design? Can't say as I'm crazy about it as I hate spiders, too, but I guess there are worse things to be called!

The Written Word

I don't know what prompts us to throw ourselves on the tracks and purge all over the blogosphere, but I've seen it so many times from so many of us. I've seen confessions and breakdowns and infidelity and loathing and love. I've seen blog posts from people that I'm not sure they themselves have a clue what they're talking about. We all have written posts like that, our internal monologue filling in the blanks so that the reader is only getting half of the conversation, only half of the clues to the puzzle that is our thoughts.

I admit, I read some of your posts with envy. I am jealous of the words and the emotion and the absolute beauty that comes through your words. I am a reader. My family will attest to the fact that I am rarely without a book on my person – or within reach. I used to buy them all until a few years ago when I realized I was going to go broke trying to keep up with my habit – as horrible as a crack habit. You do not want to see me without a book. Trust me on this.

I took a New Years' oath to stop buying books. Okay, not altogether, but I cut back by at least 98 percent. I read about one book every day or two. If it is a very long tome, it may take me a week. I am lucky that my local library is online and I am able to put books on 'hold' – including new releases, so I am in there about once a week exchanging one pile for another. It is highly frustrating to finish one book in the dead of night, only to pick up a new one and start to read – realizing you have read this one already. I used to keep a list of books I'd read, and even tried to put them on my blog, but I just go through them too fast to keep lists of them. It slows me down.

So it is that I feel exceptionally bad about not keeping up on my blog reading. It isn't that it would take me a long time to read your posts. It isn't that I don't want to know what is going on with you and in your life and in your head. I can't really explain why it is that I am so bad at it. I only know that as much as I do read I am inside-out green with some of your posts. I want you to expand those posts – I want to see a book that explores this person further and lets me see more insight than the glimmers you've shown me. The way you turn a phrase or bring a tear or make us smile. I envy that ability to move us with words.

Keep up the good work. You know who you are.*

*Yes, you. All of you over there on that list to the right.