Bitter on the Tongue

Dear Ex-Husband,

Throughout the years I have tried hard to be understanding of your life, perhaps my guilt leading me to overcompensate for your shortcomings. When we divorced many many years ago, I did everything I could to be pleasant to you, your family, and eventually your new wife. Although I was seething with anger every time you blew off your kids' weekend visits, I bit down on the anger and never spoke to or around the kids with anything but good where you were concerned. I wished you only the best as you gradually stepped out of their lives and became a ghost of a father to them.

As they grew, they learned you were not to be counted on. I heard time after time of family gatherings with your family that you never attended. Birthdays that passed without even a phone call. Numerous times when your kids worried about you… and wondered if you ever had a thought about them. If it hadn't been for your parents and siblings, I wonder if you ever would have contact with your now-grown children?

Then came weddings. You appeared on cue to walk your daughter down the aisle and to play 'host' at your son's rehearsal dinner… all the while you have not been 'dad' for a very, very long time. Oh, and didn't offer a nickel toward helping to pay for anything. Just let everyone assume you had. Bitter? Yeah. I'm getting there.

I think the final straw has come. You have known what your daughter is going through because your parents have told you, your siblings have told you, your son has told you… and yet? Not one inkling of support until your sister finally comes from out-of-town and lays a gigantic guilt trip on you to go with her to the hospital to visit. Then I hear you only stayed about an hour. One hour out of the two she gets for visits… and lives for because of the boredom she suffers the rest of the time she is there. An hour to talk about all that you haven't spoken of for months? An hour to let her know  you love her? Did you even tell her you love her?

I will not say anything. It isn't my place anymore. Still? It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and anger in my soul.


The Ex

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Middle-aged. Anti-social. Mom. Grandma. Town-raised farmer's wife. Iowan. Want more? Come read the blogs.

11 thoughts on “Bitter on the Tongue”

  1. What an asswipe. God. I’m sorry. It never fails to astonish me that some people – people who are old enough to know better – just never grow up or do the right thing. Karma’s a bitch, but it sucks that everyone he gave life to has to suffer for his shortcomings in the process. UGH. Just look at your kids and know you got the only good parts of him in them, and fuck him. Some people weren’t meant to be parents, sadly. Good news for your kids – you were!

  2. You must be a saint. I don’t think I could be as generous as you. I am so completely pissed off at that ass! I can’t even begin to imagine how your daughter feels. Your kids are so fortunate to have you as their mom. Hang in there.

  3. I long ago learned, that the indifference my sons father expressed, was his own self vision. He was incapable of a relationship because he knew he would eventually be a let down..sad but true. You have made up for him though…hope daughter is doing better.

  4. You say it lady – and you are a better woman than I would be for keeping your mouth shut other than here! How is your daughter doing? I think of her every day and send all the good thoughts I can that she all this will soon be a memory for her and not her present reality.

  5. I have seen so much of this in my life. Not from my parents, but from my EX and my son. Absentee parents miss SOOO much. But then if they appreciated what they had, they would do something to see they were included. But they are so self involved that little matters to them except themselves.

    I may end up with the heartaches and troubles, but OH the rewards.

  6. Your ex sounds like my father. The only difference, I didn’t let him walk me down the aisle. My Mother was the only one who deserved to give me away.

  7. At least your daughter and the rest of your family has you for support. It sounds like your ex will never change 🙁

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