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Quick to Judge

Posted by Sue on July 3, 2008 in Deep Thoughts, Neighborly Love, Self-exploration |

I don't know about you, but usually I am a pretty good judge of people. I usually know pretty much right away whether or not someone can be trusted or are reliable or are a 'real' person. Sometimes I am too quick to judge, though.

I laughed when my elder son was explaining his early relationship with his new wife. He said he thought she was fake because she was just sooo nice. She was too nice to be 'real'. As he got to know her, he found out she was just genuinely that nice! We all found that out, too. She is nice. Sweet as pure sugar. Almost too good to be true. Almost.

Another situation where I was too quick to judge was my younger daughter's boss. Years ago she worked for him before she got married and moved away. At that time, I have to admit, I thought he was a bit toooo attentive to my beautiful young daughter. I found out he and his wife were having some troubles and in the back of my mind I started thinking "sleezoid". After she divorced and moved back to town she eventually went back to work for him. Over the years I have figured out that he really is just that friendly and nice… to everyone. He flirts, he laughs, he spends money… on everyone. He is a genuinely generous and nice fellow and there is nothing sleezy about him. I feel badly that I mis-judged him so harshly. He's been nothing but great to my daughter and makes her working life and continuing education schedule a possible thing.

Remember the crazy elderly neighbor lady? The one who came to the door and yelled at me a few years back? Well, her daughter must have either changed her medication, gotten her off the alcohol, or all of the above. She's been just as nice as can be ever since then. We don't really chat and are not neighborly, but she will wave at me and smile if we meet on the road or if she is out in her yard as I go by. Hubs continued to plow snow out of their driveway and every time he does her daughter is quick to rush over with a check from her mom for him. He says he doesn't need her to pay him, but she insists – so he takes it. My opinion is changing on her, too. I would hate to be remembered for one moment in my life when I behaved badly. Heaven knows there have been lots of opportunities!

So… do you find yourself quick to judge? Do you think you are a good judge of people? Have you ever been horribly wrong?

14 Comments

  • sizzle says:

    I am quick to judge then I give them multiple chances to redeem themselves. It doesn’t always work (change my mind, honestly) but I try to be open minded. We all have bad days or times when we are not quite our best selves. I would want someone to cut me some slack too.

  • livey says:

    no, but people are always quick to judge me.

  • Nat says:

    I decide quickly but can usually have my mind changed. Problem being that I was usually right in the first place.

  • cmk says:

    I usually can read a person right away–at least when I take an instant dislike to someone. I can’t think of one instance where I was wrong about someone I disliked upon meeting–I have always been proven right. If I don’t have that instant dislike, it is a coin-toss as to whether the person is ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Great, just ANOTHER reason why I’m looked on as a negative Nelly. 😉

  • Michael says:

    Crazy old ladies may be smiling on the outside…but they never forget!
    http://www.flipdrive.com/file/28e87bd762130ef7ef67c3192385.jpg

  • nicole says:

    I think I’m pretty good at judging people correctly quite quickly. My fault lies in the fact that I assume I’ve misjudged them and give them too much opportunity to prove me wrong, which they rarely do. It’s not flawless, though. My husband is a good example – I assumed before I really knew him that he was the type of person who would never share my interests when in fact he’s probably more like me than anyone I’ve known!

  • Lisa says:

    I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe most often most people intend no ill will. But if you piss me off often enough/ badly enough it will be quite difficult to convince me to give you another chance. I’ll be cordial to you, but will distrust you and keep you at an emotional distance.

  • Whit says:

    I think I’m a pretty good judge of people, but I do it rather quickly. There’s a lot to be said for first impressions.

  • Darla says:

    Usually I judge people as good to begin with and then later, sometimes I find out I am horribly horribly wrong. Not fun.

  • I am a bad judge of people just because I am too quick to judge people. I also tend to give people the benefit of the doubt too much, which gets me in trouble a lot when I am managing people.

    It’s tough to grow hay with all that snow, ain’t it?

  • whall says:

    It’s the misjudging of people that provides the spice of life.

    Or I used to think.

  • Absurdist says:

    Bad spices can also cause diarrhea, so you have to watch it.

  • mr_g says:

    I need to listen to my instincts and trust myself better. I am usually good about it. I should’ve gone with my initial hesitation to call Respondent when we first met. Imagine how different things might have been if I hadn’t made that call. And once I got to know her, my usual “slime ball radar” seemed to be non-functional. That was probably the most costly mistake ever – financially, physically and emotionally.

  • Becky says:

    I think I’m a pretty good judge of people but I wouldn’t say that I’m perfect. The reason we might mis-judge someone is because of the 99% of the rest of the population that is fake, sleezy or just crazy. It reminds me of that saying, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” If we didn’t learn from the mistakes or the way that others treated us, then I think that’s almost worse than mis-judging (but maybe not to others).

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