Saying Goodbye

Closure. Isn't that what they call it when you finally can lay to rest all those feelings you've had since someone dies? I guess that's what we have now. Closure. Yesterday we had a memorial service for my dad. It was low-key. Mainly family and a few close friends of my folks. We just had it at mom's house and although my cousin who is a minister did say a few words, for the most part it was just visiting, eating, and remembering. One of my dad's sisters had made a video of some old pictures of Dad and me from when I was little… pictures that my grandmother and grandfather had (they are both gone). Some I had seen, some I had not.

There were tears and laughter. Lots of hugs. Promises to keep in touch.

I still have very mixed feelings about my dad. My cousin made a not-so-subtle hint of that in his words. Something about remembering the good and letting the bad go. Yeah. Easier said than done sometimes. I hope one day I will be able to remember some more good things. Until then, I'll just try not to remember the bad and instead remember the lovely day we had with family and friends.

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Middle-aged. Anti-social. Mom. Grandma. Town-raised farmer's wife. Iowan. Want more? Come read the blogs.

11 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye”

  1. Sounds cathartic.

    I don’t believe in the “let the bad go, keep only the good”. I believe in remembering it all. I believe in detaching one’s energies from the past hurts, though — removing their power, believing it is over and done, ceasing to let it have effect on the present. Not easy, not at all, but very good when you accomplish it.

  2. I am glad you found closure. Sherri said it better than I could have how I feel about remembering it all but trying to remove the power of the bad to continue to hurt you.

  3. I’m glad you’ve found something like closure, it’s not always easy. And I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is hard when you have mixed emotions, but I agree with the above poster who said you don’t necessarily have to forget the bad. Life is like that. Be true to yourself, and tackle it whatever way makes you feel most comfortable.

  4. While it’s not the same, we scattered my dog’s ashes while I was visiting Santa Cruz last week and it helped lighten my heart a bit. I think it’s important to share time with loved ones, remembering the deceased. Of course, it’s hard to just “get over” something- that’s basically impossible(!) but time does heal. I hope that for you because no one should have to carry what you’ve carried for so long.

  5. A memorial service is a good thing. It doesn’t change feelings, but it’s the right thing to do and that by itself makes us feel better, having honored a person who is gone.

    You will always have the good and bad memories – there is nothing wrong with either of them and no reason to think you should suddenly always think good thoughts because he’s gone.

    It’s always best to keep one thought in mind in the coming years – you can’t change what happened, but you made it through and you’re okay now.

    You know the old saying… living well is the best revenge. Perhaps “revenge” isn’t quite the word for this case – but you get the idea.

    Try not to look back too much, look ahead where the future is bright instead of living in angst over the past. {{{HUGS}}}

  6. It sounds like a very nice memorial! I bet over time, the good memories will be more “fresh,” but you don’t have to abandon the bad ones. Keep whichever you want.


  7. Follow your heart, if you’re still angry – then remember the bad – you’ll let it go when and if you’re ready. *hugs*

  8. I know how you feel, having just lost my grandmother. She made some poor choices in her life, and I know my mom suffered a lot as a kid because of those choices. So I think my mom is sad that she’s gone, but is a little confused about her feelings as well.

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