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Picking Up My Jaw Off the Floor

Posted by Sue on April 5, 2010 in Celebrations, Deep Thoughts, Health, Life, Self-exploration |

I didn’t (and still don’t) intend on this blog becoming a health and diet journal, but honestly people… I have to tell you this stuff or I’ll explode. Bear with me.

The last post? The update? Well, those jeans were a size 12. I analyzed the way they fit and wondered, “can I get into a size smaller?”… because, frankly, I could pull the waistband out at least an inch. First I asked my younger daughter who is my height and I know smaller than I am if I could try on a pair of her jeans. She let me and again, they fit. Size 12. Okay. Now I was feeling brave. I am fitting into “regular” jeans. Not “fat girl” jeans. I know you women understand that statement… Men, if you don’t understand, as a female friend.

So, feeling buoyed up by the whole thing I talked daughter into going shopping with me for jeans. At a real store. Not a “fat girl” store. Risking it, I took some size 10’s into the dressing room at daughter’s encouragement. I put them on and my daughter started laughing at me from the next room as the expletives came out of my mouth. I was stunned. I didn’t have to lay on the floor… and I could breath… AND I felt like I just might be able to go to another size smaller.

You heard me. I did. I put on a size 8. A size EIGHT. These are not baggie jeans. I did not have to lay down to put them on. I could still breathe. I could sit down without cutting off my circulation. I could move. Stunned is not the word for how I felt. I have gone from a size 18 “fat girl”… to size 8 “real girl” jeans.

Do you know how long it has been since I could get into a size EIGHT? Years. Years and years. Before my kids were born. AND… the most bizarre thing is, I haven’t even gotten to what the charts and the doctors call my “ideal” healthy weight. I may have lost all I need to off my butt and legs, but my gut and arms still need more, so am hoping that’s where the rest comes off. To that effect, I have started lifting weights for my arms and doing sit-ups for my gut.

I gave all my other jeans away. I don’t want to go back. I’m actually having fun looking at this “new” body. Now if I can just keep working on the inside so I don’t sabotage myself, I have a great chance of making it stick. In the past when I have even made a start on a weight loss program, it seems like as soon as I start getting some off and I may be drawing a little bit of attention, then I panic and bulk right back up again – throwing myself back into my protective cocoon. This time? I feel much more confident in myself. I feel there is going to be a lasting change because I did it the right way and for the right reasons.

I’m looking forward to the next phase… and, yeah, I’m kinda proud of myself. That sounds conceited and all braggy (is that even a word?)… but damnit, I deserve it. Let the cheering commence!

6 Comments

  • Sherri says:

    YAY! Yay you!

    I have only one less-than-perhaps-cheerful thing to add — go by fit, not size number. I’ve had it happen to me — pull my “size” from one store or one maker and it fits fine. Pull it from another, and it’s too small and suddenly I’m fat and ugly and awful. Yet other makers will have the same size and it’s too big! (I had that at a Gloria Vanderbilt store years ago — I knew I wore an 18, and the dress I had on said “14” and my mind was blown.) It happens to a lot of women. Known your own actual measurements. Don’t go by the magic “size” number.

    So, just in case you go shopping and you pull that size 8 and it doesn’t fit, do NOT NOT NOT think it is your body’s fault. It is the fault of the CLOTHING. Check the label, make a mental note, and try something else from someone else.

    I’m not trying to downplay your achievement. I think it’s fantastic! I want to see you keep it up and keep it going, which means I don’t want you to have one of those horrible moments where a number assigned some cloth by someone with a marketing agenda makes you feel like you’re bad, you’ve done something wrong, or you aren’t as beautiful and healthy as you actually are.

  • sizzle says:

    I am thrilled for you. I know how good that feels (I remember, heh). Keep up the momentum and remember you deserve to feel good!!

  • Hilly says:

    I am beyond happy for you! There is nothing better than that feeling and I hope you enjoy it all the livelong day!

  • Lisa says:

    You brag away – that is awesome!!!

  • Fantastagirl says:

    YAY YOU!!!! Keep up the great work!

  • Poppy says:

    Yip, yip, YIP!!!!!!

    Size 8… yah, 8th grade. 🙂

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