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Surgery-Eve

Posted by Sue on January 18, 2011 in Deep Thoughts, Family, Health, Life, Self-exploration |

Tomorrow is my surgery. I’m looking forward to it as I hope it is going to take care of the pain I’ve been having for quite some time. I guess my first real hurdle was getting the letter from the insurance company and having them go through all this almost-legal-speak to tell me, finally, near the very end of the letter, that they’d approved my procedure. Well… terrific! I was stunned at first reading it thinking they were writing to tell me that I wasn’t going to be approved, in which case I was prepared to be totally miserable. No way could we afford this on our own. It makes me very grateful I have been able to afford insurance – even though it is one of our major expenses, due to being self-employed.

For some reason I’ve just been feeling this urge to communicate. To write down thought and maybe make amends… I’m not drinking, but it in in the “drunk-dialing” variety of urges that is spurring me on. Do it and damn the consequences. At least until I read it later.

Some people probably get tired of hearing me say it, but I love my husband…so much. I know he worries and I’ve contributed to his worry with some of my irresponsibilitys with money and recklessness with which I’ve done some things in my life. I hope he can forgive me and knows that my pledge to do better is heartfelt.

When I met him I thought he was the most gorgeous guy. I mean, tall, dark and wonderful… my “dream guy” come to life. I couldn’t stop staring! Through the years that opinion has changed. Now now only is he beautiful to me on the outside, but I know what a warm, generous and loving man he is on the inside. I have truly been blessed to have this man in my life for over 30 years. Best thing of all? He loves me too! He leaves me without a shred of a doubt as to the depth and breadth of this love – every day. Who could ask for more?

…and what can I say about my kids? After upsetting my eldest by blogging about her I promised I would never do it again, but I just have to say that I love her as much as a mother can. She’s the first, the one who when I didn’t have a clue what I was doing had to endure a young mother’s ignorance. A premie, she was so close to not even being with me that I truly do treasure every day she is on this earth. I am so proud of the obstacles she has had to endure and the progress she is making to better her life. I don’t always say it right, but I’m working on that.

My eldest son. He can be tough but he has this soft gooey middle. Sometimes it is a toss-up who is the biggest softie of all the kids. I’ve seen him grow from innocence to rebelliousness to a man who any mother could be proud to call son. Although each of my children are independent souls, his was independent much earlier – flying out of the nest and forcing himself to make the best of it. It is to his character that he has friends – good friends – that he has had his whole life long, and now a loving wife who treasures him as much as we do.

Younger daughter. Although Hubs likes to refer to her as “Susan-junior” or “mini-me”, I prefer to refer to her as “Susan 2.0”. She is the new, improved version. The better ‘me’. Yes, and although she has a lot of traits similar to mine, she is still very much her own woman. She is beautiful and fiesty and takes no shit… but, as in the case of her siblings, she has a soft core, maybe softer than all the rest. One she protects fiercely and who takes things very hard when the world, or other people, do not live up to her expectations. It is hard to get in, but so worth it if you do.

Last, but far from least, is younger son. No longer a boy, but a man as well. Tall and broad shouldered and soft-hearted as they come. I see a lot of his father in him and that is something to be very proud of. He, too, shares his life with his loving wife and critters and he would do anything for any member of his family… siblings and parents included. I hope as the years go on he learns to love this farm life and not become jaded or hard from it. It has certainly changed my life… and brought me all the beautiful blessings that are my family, and yes, my critters too.

Oh, wow… this has turned rather sappy, hasn’t it? That wasn’t my intent. I know you are told to tell your loved ones that you love them every day. I try, as often as I can. I guess I’m just touching all my bases.

Oh… and all of you, my blog friends, have a special place in my heart as well. Some of you have become very good friends. We’ve never met in the “real” world, but I haven’t given up hope that may happen someday!

God Bless… see you on the other side of tomorrow.

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