I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand why the male of the species has some of those perks they have. For instance, every man I’ve ever known in my life has long eyelashes. Naturally long eyelashes. Lovely skin. Easy care hair. They jump in the shower and 10 minutes later can be perfect and ready to walk out of the house, you know, into the public… Now, every woman I know has to have at a minumum twice that time, and usually three or four times that amount of time to accomplish the public face.

As women age, they get wrinkles and saggy boobs and gray hair that persists on appearing regularly no matter how much we try to dye the living shit out of it. Men? They can wear the gray hair proudly and everyone talks about how ‘distinguished’ they look. Their wrinkles are ‘laugh lines’. They get a pot belly or ‘love handles’… well, normally society just looks right past that.

If a man decides he wants to do something about the body, they change three things in their diet and poof! twenty pounds drops off. A woman exists on twigs and air and gains five pounds.

Are ya seeing a theme here? Yeah… My hubs just lost a bunch of weight without trying. Panic-motivated a doctors’ appointment to make sure he wasn’t diabetic or something, but although that’s not been confirmed until Friday, the fact that the doc hasn’t called in a panic about his blood test tells me he’s just healthier than he’s ever been.

Yesterday we both got our eyes checked. Him? His eyes are BETTER. Yeah, you heard me right… and I don’t mean a little bit, I mean a lot. Me? Still blind as a bat. Yep. Looking into some new contacts… no? My astigmatism is too bad? My bifocal power is that of a 70-year-old?

You get the picture.

It’s not fair. I’m gonna go pout now.

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Middle-aged. Anti-social. Mom. Grandma. Town-raised farmer's wife. Iowan. Want more? Come read the blogs.

5 thoughts on “I Don’t Understand”

  1. Absolutely! My husband and my son have the most beautiful eye lashes. Me? STUBS!
    I do have my Hubs beat in the hair department, mainly because he is balding. But still.
    Sorry your eye doctors appointment didn’t go as well as expected. You’re beautiful no matter what! 🙂

  2. LOL Hey now, don’t be pouting! Just slap him a few times and then you’ll feel better faster! 😉
    i’m kidding of course.
    Be happy! You rock! 🙂

  3. Well, not to blow holes in your rant, but the actuarial tables say we’ll be traveling on their insurance money as merry widows.

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