Giving Myself Time Never Got Me Any Closer to Being Calm

You know the old thing about you should never write a response to someone in anger? It is always said you'll regret the things you say in the heat of the moment. Me? I've never actually found that giving myself more time before responding made me any less angry. If anything, I'm have just enough Irish blood in me that I tend to carry that grudge out a bit… oh, say, several eons. This could be one of those times.

It is also said you can pick your friends, but not your family. I find it is really nice when you can have family that are your friends. Hubs and I have been very lucky in that our children all (at least to this point in life) seem to not only love each other, but actually like each other. That's a huge blessing. Myself, I am an only child and the older I get the more I think there was a reason that had to be. I've talked before about my husbands' brother and sister and their families and how f*%ked up they are. Yeah. Well… here we go again.

When my father-in-law passed away several years ago, my husband took over the farming operation and took sole responsibility for that business which he and his dad had been part of their whole lives. One of the things that happened at that time, was all the farm equipment was appraised by an independent appraiser and all the machinery and equipment my husband had helped his father pay for once he was paying for again. Fair market value was placed on all the equipment and machinery, and a fair amount of interest was agreed on and my husband makes payments to his mother. A lot of the equipment was older, and over the years since he's taken over the farm, many pieces have had to be replaced. Still and all, the loan is in place and is being repaid on time. My husband also had a side-line job in the off season where he would do repair work on pickups, big trucks, some tractors, cars, etc. To that end, he put a lot of money into good tools, a hoist, and a large supply of parts and equipment. All of which was kept in his father's large morton building, aka the shop. We do not pay rent, per se, for this building, but we pay all of the utilities not only for the building, but for my mother-in-law's large home, as well as carrying the insurance on the building and contents.

Shortly after my father-in-law passed away, my husband locked up his toolbox and the shop to keep people like his brother from just going over and helping themselves to everything that wasn't nailed down. My MIL had a hissy fit when BIL went whining to her, and my husband was guilt-ed into unlocking everything again. BIL thinks nothing of breezing in, putting his rig on the hoist (without prior permission), using whatever tools and supplies are within reach, then backing into the open area of the shop and washing his vehicle. Nevermind it's us paying for the electricity, the heat, the soap, the bolts, nuts, tools, grease, oil, whatever else he's decided to use! This shit isn't free people!

Now we come to the current issue. As part of the equipment and machinery purchased from MIL a 30-year old pickup was on the list. It was my FIL's and though had been a great truck at one time, had been used. A lot. Hubs used it for a work truck for a number of years, and finally decided it wasn't reliable enough for that and put a snow plow blade on it and used it mainly in the winter for that purpose. This winter, a few weeks ago, the transmission went out. Deciding it wasn't worth the money and hassle to fix, Hubs was going to sell it. I mentioned to him that when his dad died his brother had expressed an interest in the truck and maybe he should give him first dibs on it. (In hindsight, I wish someone would have duct-taped my mouth shut.) He asked. BIL said he didn't know. How much did Hubs think it would cost to fix? Hubs didn't know. He just wanted it gone. BIL hemmed and hawed and never said anything more about it. Two weeks go by and Hubs has seen BIL in the mean time, and not one word is said about the truck. Hubs talks to a friend who might be interested. Yes, he was. He would buy it for $1500. He was out of town, and would get in touch when he returned in a couple of weeks.

Another week goes by and BIL brings up the truck. Hubs tells him it's sold. The shit hits the fan. Big-time. BIL tries to tell Hubs that he wanted it. Uh huh. Whatever. Hubs asks him if he really knows what's involved with fixing something like this… BIL has the nerve to say, "it won't be that big of a deal, I have a hoist and a transmission puller"… excuse me? WHO has the hoist and the transmission puller? Hubs blew a gasket. At the end of what will now be known as "the big blowup", neither of them were talking to each other. End of subject, right? Oh, so wrong.

Last Sunday the friend got back to town and wanted to come get the pickup. The. pickup. was. gone.

Hubs started making phone calls. First, his mother. She thought BIL had it and that Hubs knew it. No…  He phones BIL. Does he have it? Yes. Why? Because he told Hubs he wanted it. I don't think so! I mean, at the end of the "big blowup" he knew it had been sold to someone else!

He had come out when no one was around (and I can't prove it, but bet he planned it that way) and dragged / drug? the pickup to the nearby town where he lives. Never called Hubs to tell him he was taking it. Never said a word. That's how I know he knew he was being sneaky. He's one of those guys who has to have someone help him with everything. If this had been all above board, he'd have called Hubs and asked him if he could borrow his car trailer to take it to his place! He screwed up, though… Hubs asked him, "just when were you going to ask me for the title?"… and there was dead air space on the phone. Dumbass.

Hubs went to BIL's house yesterday to see if the pickup was there. He wants to get the license plates, the fuel tank that was in the back, his personal belongings out of the cab, and the proof of insurance papers out of the glove box. Then we want to see him put actually money into getting the thing fixed… and try and drive it without license, insurance, or title… 'cause he'll never get the license or insurance without it. I'd just love to call the cops and report it stolen, but Hubs won't let me. It wasn't there. Come to find out later, it was at his in-laws. Cute.

What a weasel. A sneak. A thief. A liar. A coward. A snake in the grass. It's no wonder his kid pulls that kind of shit and never gets punished for it! I'm so mad I could chew nails. I mean, it seems like every single time I feel a little bit bad about having these horrid feelings toward my in-laws and start thinking I could try harder to "play nice"… they go and pull something like this.

Just think. I waited to write this.

Published by


Middle-aged. Anti-social. Mom. Grandma. Town-raised farmer's wife. Iowan. Want more? Come read the blogs.

8 thoughts on “Giving Myself Time Never Got Me Any Closer to Being Calm”

  1. Man, I don’t blame you one bit for being this angry. (Maybe it’s our OCS – Only Child Syndrome – kicking in.) In any event, I’m convinced that death brings out the worst character traits in people… though it sounds like your BIL already had some doozy character traits. karma’s a bitch!

  2. I’ve seen it time and again. Family can be real shits when it comes to stuff like “belongings”. Your MIL doesn’t sound like any help at all. No doubt that’s why BIL is such a jerk.

  3. You know a leopard can’t change his sots, BIL is what he is. It has nothing to do with dealing with death or unjustified sense of need. Your BIL is a selfish self centered a$$ with no consideration of others. I would hope he saw this blog post and peoples reaction to it, but the deluded sob would prolly not notice it was about him or even care, because people like that, and there are a few in the world are too full of themselves and always have an excuse for why everyone is out to “screw” poor little lazy self deluded them.

  4. Ummm, sorry, was that too over the top? I just feel for you Sue. You and hubs really need to break your “family ties” with that aspect of the family.There is family loyalty, and then there is feeding the disease. You do the math. In the movie of the week version, BIL continues to slide down the parasidic evil path of self loathing and greed until he kills someone in a temper tantrum of rage.

  5. What a jackass — one of the downsides of getting married is having to take on their family. Then again, I might be on the short end of that stick:)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Security Code: