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Give Me Your 2 Cents Worth – Or More, If You’re Feeling Generous

Posted by Sue on March 23, 2007 in Celebrations, Deep Thoughts, Self-exploration |

Here goes.

I've been asked to attend a wedding shower for my eldest son's fiance and her sister, who is getting married in May. The shower is in another state, several hours away. I would need to stay overnight the night before and the night of, and there would be lots of driving involved. I'm thinking a joint shower is a terrific thing for the girls' families and family friends… but I really a.) don't need to be getting a gift for the sister of our son's fiance b.) can't get excited about spending two nights away from home and lots of driving which would also involve much planning for hubby care and critter care c.) most likely will be my normal anti-social-totally-uncomfortable-out-of-place self and d.) am being a tight-ass and don't feel like I have the $$ to spend for all that.

So, my question is this. Am I being wrong to not go?

I love this girl my son is marrying. I think she is the sweetest most lovely young woman. I have some not-so-generous thoughts about her family and the way this wedding was originally approached by her family and their reaction to my son – after, I might add, several months of dating. I'm trying to overcome those feelings and let them all be in the past. I'm trying not to let those feelings affect how I'm approaching this shower situation. Maybe I'm too close to it, though. Maybe I'm just making excuses (that wouldn't be too big of a stretch, especially where (c.) is concerned). I'm thinking I could be over-thinking it, too. Perhaps they just extended the invitation because of the well-bred people they appear to be and as the mother of the groom they feel I should be extended the invitation, but really don't have any expectation of my arrival.

I'm opening this up to you. Discuss.

10 Comments

  • sizzle says:

    i am thinking it is just well-bred niceity (not that they don’t or shouldn’t love you, because hello! you are you!). i don’t think you should force yourself to go. you have valid reasons for not attending.

    one way to compromise on this could maybe be by sending a card or small, thoughtful gift/gesture from you and hubby. that way you still look gracious but aren’t required to fork out all the money and time required to make an appearance.

  • Amanda says:

    I agree with Sizz…

    Each family is different so I understand the difficulty to decide whether to do so or not based on various things..
    Go with your gut…

  • PlazaJen says:

    Looks like you have like-minded readers… 🙂 Don’t go if it’s going to put a strain on the bank, and if it’s possible (and easier to justify b/c you’re not traveling), get them each something off their registry that’s under $30 each – only if it’s so you don’t feel guilty. Will there be any other bridal shower for the sister marrying your son? OH my gosh, I just had a great idea. You first of all make sure you future D-I-L knows that you adore her but won’t be able to make it. You can ALWAYS send her a shower gift at some point in time if you want to. If it’s possible, arrange to have (either by you making & sending, or contacting like the Hy-Vee by them) something to EAT sent to the hostess. Like a cake if you do the Hy-Vee route, or little tea cookies or something. Ah, that seems like it could get ghetto quick and open you up to more criticism. A simple, “I’m so sorry, I’d love to attend, but I just can’t” is always the best line. Never elaborate as to why. You simply can’t. Anyone who presses for MORE is being rude, and in my opinion, deserves to get, “Because I’m having a polyp on my hoo-ha removed the day I’d have to drive in.” as a response.
    I’ve only cluttered the opinions with more ideas. Bottom line – unless it’s a must-be-there funeral or court appearance, I pretty much don’t do anything I don’t wanna.

  • PlazaJen says:

    (I should note I’ve never had to go to court….)

  • Lisa says:

    I would ask your son his opinion, if your future DIL would be very hurt if you did not attend. If she would be, then it is probably worth attending if you are able for the sake future family harmony. If you do attend, you can get whatever you intended to for her and something small as a thought for her sister. If you do not attend, you can still get her a gift with a note that you wish you’d been able to attend, if only it were not so far away/ too difficult to arrange critter care/ whatever good excuse.

  • DH says:

    I’d lean toward going, but I wouldn’t blame you for not going either. I was wondering if you could talk your daughter into making the trip with you…make it a mother/daughter thing.

    Don’t know if this helps or not.

    I did like what PlazaJen said…talk to future DIL and give her a heads up if you decide not to go.

  • michael says:

    I think it is something to discuss with son, he knows you, and you know him and between the two of you a resolution should be feasable. Just how important is it to son for you to be there would be my first concern after all this is really about him and his soon to be bride. Worst scenario if you must go, you will need a hotel room where you can hang out til the last possible moment then retreat back to at first oportunity, that’s what I’d end up doing, lol.

  • Amy says:

    I’m in total agreement with Lisa on this. Ask your son what he thinks you should do.

  • Cait says:

    Yeah, I’m in the “talk to your son” camp. Hopefully, one of your friends or family will have a shower there for the BTB. It will give her a chance to meet family & friends if she hasn’t already. If you don’t go to the out of town, shower, buy them a nice gift, and give the sister some sort of token gift. My latest thing is vintage embroidered pillowcases. Lots of them at reasonable prices on ebay. Of course, that’s not to everyone’s taste.

    Frankly, if your son is non-committal, I think you probably have no choice but to suck it up and go to the shower. Otherwise, you might be starting off with BTB with some hurt feelings.

  • Cait says:

    BTW, it would be nice if someone in the BTB’s family offered you a place to stay in their home. In fact, I think simple good manners would require that, since you’d be making a long trip.

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